


Forgiveness

by DemonHunterGirl01, destieldreams



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Feels, First Time, M/M, So much angst, post 9x03
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-18
Updated: 2013-11-18
Packaged: 2018-01-02 00:09:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1050216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DemonHunterGirl01/pseuds/DemonHunterGirl01, https://archiveofourown.org/users/destieldreams/pseuds/destieldreams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>the first meeting of Dean and Cas 6 months after 9x03......or Cas is a pissed off emotional wreck and Dean takes the chick flick moment and where's it to prom.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Forgiveness

**Author's Note:**

> This was an RP between me and DemonHunterGirl01 and we were both in an angsty place and this happened and it so wasn't meant to be a scene out of Days of Our Lives, but I guess shit happens and we get this...I hope you enjoy it either way!

Emerald green eyes peered out the window. He could barely see his car through the downpour outside. It had been raining heavily, nonstop for three days. The antsy nervousness of being in the same room, staring at the same walls, watching the same old T.V show reruns was getting to him. Dean let the heavy curtain fall back into place with a sigh. He started pacing, looking around at the dingy motel room for something to do. He would have walked to the bar a long time ago, but it was across town and driving was out of the question, the roads were flooded from the sheer amount of rain that had fallen. Dean managed to pick up his phone and call Sam a few times, but even those were short to the point conversations. He’d ask about new findings on the case he was on, Sam would ask if he’s ok, hinting at the heart to heart he’s been itching to have ever since that day at the bunker; the day Dean’s been running away from, literally. With a sigh, he finally flopped down on the bed, remote in hand, and started mindlessly flipping through the five channels it received.

Sorrowful eyes looked upon the man from outside in the powerful storm. The rain drops slid down his face mixing with the silent tears. The pain was sometimes too hard for him to bear. Emotions were still new and still overwhelming to the ex-angel. Sometimes it was just too much. The Images of that same man telling him to leave haunted his mind, as well as his now very human dreams, every image like a dull knife stabbing him repeatedly in his chest. Castiel watched as Dean closed the curtains, unaware of his presence. He closed his eyes, lifted his chin allowing the water to continue drenching his face. When he finally opened his eyes, he saw Dean’s Impala parked only a few meters in front of him. He silently walked to the car and ran his fingers along the cars door. They ran across the handle and opened it and he silently crawled into the backseat. He knew that Dean would kill him for being here, but he had to feel something other than the cold. Castiel closed his eyes once again as he leaned his head back on the seat. He inhaled deeply, taking in what remained of Dean's scent that still lingered from the days before. His thoughts whirled in his head making him feel sick. He finally had had enough and slammed his fist down on the seat. Opening his eyes he glared at the motel room door. Cas threw open the impala door and got out, slamming it shut behind him. He took off running towards the door slamming his fists on it to the point he thought it would cave in under the impact of his fists. He didn’t care. He had to know why.

Dean nearly fell off the bed, startled at the unexpected and really loud and obnoxious pounding on the door. He grabbed his gun from under his pillow, inwardly cussing and urging his heart rate down. Placing the gun silently against the door, he opened it. Unexpected was one thing, this though, seeing Cas standing in front of him, dripping with water, his dark hair dripping water down his cheeks, clothes clinging to his body, was something entirely different. Shock, surprise, pain, hurt fought for dominance over his expression. Words were nowhere near forming and all he could do was stare. It had been six months since he told Castiel to leave. He thought he could handle sending him away, never seeing him again, boy was he wrong. The first week was numb; he filtered around the bunker in a haze. Hell, he doesn't even remember half of the first month really. After though, Dean buried himself in case after case trying to forget the emptiness he felt, and the anger that Castiel never fought to stay. That Cas took his words without question and turned around and left. He thinks that hurt more than having to kick him out. Six months later and he still hasn't slowed down, running himself ragged, ignoring the hole in his chest, drinking his pain away. Sam knew. Wasn’t much he could hide from his brother. He let Dean go on a few of the easier cases by himself, knowing he needed the alone time. It still didn’t stop him from worrying. The air slowly leaves Dean’s lungs as he stares into those unfathomably deep blue eyes. Eyes he thought he'd never see again. Dean stands there motionless, wordless as memories and emotions derail the logic in his brain.

Castiel threw himself at Dean shoving him with all his might. He didn’t care anymore. The man in front of him ripped his heart in two and didn’t even care, didn’t care that he traveled for weeks to get to him. Didn’t care that he risked his now mortal life against, what seemed like, every fallen angel in existence out to destroy him. With every shove he cursed at Dean for doing this to him.  He continued to shove till his eyes were too blurry to see. Castiel pushed one last time before falling to his knees on the floor, breath heaving, unable to hold back the tears of anger and betrayal. Cas took a deep breath to stifle the tears and looked up at Dean glaring daggers at him.

The hunter took the shoves, dropping the gun by the door after the first. Every push burned, but he didn't stop them. He let them happen, let Cas get his anger out. He wanted more, to let Cas take it out of his hide, but quelled it and just went with it as Castiel shoved him across the room. He stared at the broken angel as he stared up at him; if looks could kill he'd be dead, before finally kneeling. With a look, a mix between concentration and terror, he raised a trembling hand to cup Castiel's cheek, the thumb gently wiping away the tear on his cheek. The hunter took a shaky breath, brow furrowing as he tried to form words. He knew there was nothing he could say to make everything better. Dean's free hand came up slowly to fist into the shoulder of the drenched shirt before he fell forward, head landing on the angel's shoulder. He wrapped his arms around the others waist, not caring how wet we was. He breathed hard, taking every scent in as he tried not to explode with the emotions running rampant through him. Pulling Cas tighter against him, he took a deep calming breath.

"Forgive me" he whispered into the other's shoulder.

 Dean knew it wasn't enough, would never be enough, but it was all he had right then.

Castiel finally was able to take control of his breathing. He ripped himself away from Dean. Standing up, he angrily reached for the closest thing to him and threw it. It was the lamp that was set upon the TV stand. It shattered and sparked from the collision.

 "Forgive you? FORGIVE YOU? That’s all you can say to me? Damn it dean! You KICKED me out. After you told me to hurry as fast as I could to you, let me have some semblance of peace and hope that finally everything was going to work out and we could fix shit together. I’ve sacrificed more for you than any one person has ever done. Hell I’ve died for you, on more than one occasion, I fell from grace for you, I betrayed my family and everything I knew…FOR YOU, and the one time, THE ONE TIME I needed you, you turned your back. I lived on the STREETS for weeks! Eating only what others would share with me. I had to constantly watch my back for knives aimed at it.” Castiel started poking at dean’s chest roughly. “And all you can say is for me to FORGIVE you?! Do you know how much fuckin pain you've put me through? I would rather the pain of having my grace ripped from me a thousand times than to feel the pain of you stabbing me in the heart." Castiel finally stopped to take a breath and just stared directly into Dean’s eyes below him.

Dean didn't even flinch has the lamp shattered. He sat there taking in every word. He took every ounce of Cas' pain into himself. All the pent up anger and hurt, all his hate, Dean took without regret. He sat there a moment, making sure Cas had let it all out before speaking.

"You don't think you were the only one that was hurting do you?" he asked, his voice soft. "I tried to find another way, but I couldn't. It was either you or Sam's life." He tried to explain as nonviolently as possible. "I never wanted any of this. I've never wanted you to stay more in my life. Part of me died watching you walk out that door" he finally admitted. He took a deep breath to steady himself, vision blurring with unshed tears.

Castiel shook his head and sighed.

 "That's always it Dean. YOU tried to find another way. YOU tried to fix it. YOU never let anyone help. Why can't you understand that you can't save the world by yourself? Sam is one of my greatest friends. You’re not the only one that cares about him. Why can't you get over your pride and let someone help you?!" Castiel asked.

Dean's eyes furrowed briefly, but he stayed there, on his knees, watching and listening. He hung his head as his eyes fell shut.

 "I can't change who I am or what I did" he said. "But I can fix this" he added but hesitated. The hunter took a deep breath, settling himself, “we can fix this” he continued slowly. "Help me fix this" he begged, looking up into Cas' eyes. "I need you" he said softly, putting everything he felt into those three words.

Castiel stepped back from Dean. His heart stopped at the moment those words left Dean’s mouth. He took a shaky breath. He’d waited so long to hear those words, but it came too little, too late.

 "That's not going to work this time Dean. It’s not enough. You’ve said it before and I believed you and look where it got me." Castiel stated matter-of-factly. “I didn’t come here to forgive you. I came for answers.” He said painfully. “If we can be fixed, it’ll be a long way down the road and even then I don’t know” he added as he stood back up.

Dean watched as Castiel made his way out the door. His heart was breaking all over again, but this time it was worse.  This time he knew for a fact Castiel would never come back and whatever was left inside him was walking out the door as well. He was frozen where he sat. Watching in anguish as the ex-angel walked out into the rain. He took a deep shaky breath and stood. His insides were folding in on themselves when reality hit him. His best friend was leaving him, but it was more than that. He always knew they were more than friends, could always feel the connection they had.  It was at that moment, as Cas was halfway through the parking lot, that Dean knew what he had to do, what he needed to do, what needed to be done a long time ago. He bolted out the door and into the pouring rain, charging after him. The hunter grabbed Cas’ hand pulling him forcefully to a stop, making him turn around.

Castiel’s eyes were red with tears as he stared at their interlocked hands.

“I love you Cas” Dean spoke, his voice barely carrying through the rain. He stepped a little closer. “I love you” he said again staring into Cas’ eyes, praying he could see the truth and depth of his words.

The ex-angel stared back at him, trying to hide the surprise on his features, but his hand clenched the others tighter. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.  Cas knew the sincerity of those words and how much saying them aloud meant to Dean. It nearly overwhelmed him.

Dean raised his hand and cupped the other man’s jaw gently. He leaned in hesitantly and placed a chaste kiss on cool lips. It only lasted briefly and the hunter pulled away before it could turn into anything more.

 “Stay” he pleaded.

Castiel was torn. He was still pissed at Dean, but the realization that finally, finally Dean reciprocates his feelings kind of dismantles the anger. The kiss took him by surprise and he opened his eyes to look into Dean’s. It was all there, the emotions he was looking for, love, want, hope. He took another breath before gripping Dean’s hand tighter and nodding a yes.

Dean smiled in relief and leaned in to kiss him again. It was a little harder, but still innocent. He broke it with a sigh and turned, bringing them both back to the hotel room and out of the rain, shutting the door behind them.

When the door shut, Cas turned the both around and shoved Dean against the door. He stared for a moment taking in the dripping wetness, before he leaned in, full body, and kissed the hunter deeply, teeth biting his bottom lip, tongue teasing his lips. He moved in closer pinning the other man against the door.

Dean clutched Cas tightly, following his every move. The kiss made his chest flutter and he gasped into it, parting his lips for Cas, letting him take the wheel. He pulled his angel closer, sliding his tongue into the other's mouth. He made it slow yet passionate, savoring the warmth and feel and intimacy. He ran his hands under the hem of Cas' wet shirt, fingers grazing the cool skin underneath.

He could feel Cas shiver around him. Breaking the kiss, laid a hand on top of Cas', and brought it up to his lips and kissed the palm. A small smile touched his lips as he grabbed the back of Cas' head and pulled him in for a gentle kiss before pushing off the door and leading him to the bathroom, a warm shower would do them both good.

Castiel smiled softly while following Dean into the bathroom. He watched the hunter walk towards the bath, turning it on. The ex-angel shut the door behind him and walked towards the other man. When he stood up Cas started kissing Dean's neck softly from behind running his fingers under his shirt pulling it off.

The hunter hummed softly and lifted his arms. He turned around, a small smile playing on his lips and peeled Cas' wet clothes off of him, tossing them into a pile in the corner. "You're freezing, get it" he said ushering him into the shower. Steam was already filling the small room as he wiggled out of his own drenched clothes and climbed in behind the ex-angel. He laced his arms around Cas' midsection, laying his forehead on the others shoulder as the water cascaded down, warming both their bodies. Dean still couldn't wrap his head around what was happening. He no longer felt like he was spiraling out of control, but he still couldn't believe Cas had come back, Back to him. Maybe not completely forgiving him yet, but it was a step in the right direction. He placed a gentle kiss on Castiel’s shoulder as he ran his hands over the other's chest, savoring the feel of Cas beneath his touch and guiding the hot water around, warming the cool skin.

Castiel sighed in contentment. He closed his eyes savoring the peace he had been searching for so long. He pulled one of Dean’s hands up and kissed it softly. Turning around, he slowly wrapped his arms around Dean’s neck. Cas kissed him deeply and pulled him as close as he could. He licked hunter’s bottom lip asking for permission. His fingers tangled themselves in the hunter’s hair softly. He pushed dean slowly backwards towards the wall, pinning him against the tile.

Dean sighed into the kiss, parting his lips to allow Cas entry. He kissed him slowly, almost tentively, wanting it to last as long as possible. He was turning into such a girl, but at that moment, all he cared about was Castiel; his touch, his sounds, his scent. Cas was there, with him, now and that's all that mattered, chick flicks be damned. He leaned against the wall, his fingers trailing up Cas' sides and down his arms. He caressed the ex-angels tongue with his own, moaning softly. He knew right then he'd never get tired of kissing his angel.

Castiel’s kisses became stronger and deeper. He craved the feeling of Dean against him so much to the point he was it could be called pain. Their tongues moved against each other like a long forgotten dance. A dance that he never wanted to end. Cas’ hands moved down Dean’s body to his legs lifting him to get better access to his mouth. He pinched his ass smirking into the kiss. He forgot how fun it was to tease his green eyed love.

Slightly amazed by the ex-angels strength, Dean wrapped his limbs around Cas, holding on tightly, the wet skin not making things easy. He growled into the kiss at the feel of the pinch, his now hard cock twitched between them. He moaned and bit Cas' lip gently before sliding off. As much as he loved showers, he wasn't having their first time be fumbly and awkward in very little space and maneuver room. He switched their positions and leaned down to turn off the water. He opened the curtain and grabbed a towel off the rack. Turning back to Cas, he kneeled and proceeded to dry him off, soft rubs working his way up. He concentrated making sure to get as much water off as possible. He worked the towel up both legs and over chest muscles and down both arms before wrapping it snuggly around his waist. He smiled and grabbed another towel for himself, drying himself hastily and stepping out of the shower to wrap it around his waist. He grabbed Cas' hand and led him out of the bathroom and to the bed.

Castiel smirked following Dean towards the bed. When they came close enough he turned Dean around and kissed him, desperate to feel the hunter against his lips. He was already addicted to the taste of the hunter’s mouth. He ripped off the towel and grabbed Dean’s cock in his hand, slowly jerking him, teasing him. Cas nipped at Dean’s bottom lip pulling it slightly and letting go. He kissed his lips then down his jaw, slowly making his way down Dean’s neck biting and sucking on every inch of skin. Castiel smirked when he felt Dean tremble against him. He loved this. He loved that he was the only one who saw this side of the hunter.

Dean moaned, hands roaming and touching every inch of skin he could. A shiver ran up his spine as his hips thrusted into Cas' warm fist. He gripped Cas' shoulders to steady himself as waves of pleasure washed over him. His head fell back as lips trailed down his neck. The hunter pushed himself against the other, making them fall together onto the bed. He gave the ex-angel a smirk before leaning down and kissing along his jaw line. Dean snaked an arm in-between them, pushing Cas’ towel away and urging him to take his own cock into his hand too and wrapped his fist around the others and helped Cas jerk them both off. He moaned as his hips thrusted forward into their grip. The hunter placed erratic wet kisses across the ex-angels collar bone as he lost himself in the feel of hands and cocks sliding together.

Castiel moaned softly when he felt the hunter’s kisses. He started moving his fists faster to keep up the pace. Cas pulled Dean down into a passionate kiss. He let the other guide their speed as he bucked gently into their grip.

"Fuck...Cas" he moaned into the kiss, he breathing erratic. Dean leaned his forehead on the others and stared into lust blown blue eyes. The grip tightened around their cocks and he inhaled sharply. He was so close, the pressure building in waves through his body. He leaned up slightly to better see the others face. Staring at the angel below him, he knew at that moment this is what he wanted, what he always wanted. The realization hit him hard, emotions rolling around his chest. "I love you" he said he came, his seed pouring out over their entwined hands. It was the best orgasm he's ever had, the pure ecstasy making his toes curl and sending his senses soaring. A smile played on his face as he watched his angel reach the edge and he helped push him over. Castiel in the throes of passion is the most beautiful thing he ever saw. He stared in awe at the creature below him as they both came down off their orgasmic highs. He slid off to the side, finding Cas' other hand and clutching it, but never took his eyes of that face.

Castiel fell back against the pillow as he tried to catch his breath. He looked down at his and Dean's hand and tightened the grip. His eyes locked with Dean’s when he looked back up, and it took his breath away. Castiel's heart felt like it would burst at that very moment. Unable to handle to moment, tears escaped his eyes. He closed them tightly.

"Promise me this isn't a dream, I don't want to wake up and you disappear.... You always disappear...in my dreams." Castiel inhaled deeply, trying not to lose control of his emotions.

Dean ran his fingers through the others dark hair and pulled him closer. He could have argued that point. Cas was always the one leaving, but he wouldn't.

"I'm not leaving Cas. There's nowhere else I want to go." He said, urging Castiel to open his eyes. "I promise" he added, gently thumbing away tears. "By your side always." He said a reassuring smile on his lips. He grabbed the edge of the towel that was underneath Cas and cleaned them up. He tugged it out before tossing it on the ground and laying back down to pull the ex-angel over to him again. "I'm fucked Cas, I know it, you know it, hell the whole damn world knows it." he said. "I can't change who I am, but you make me a better person and I'm sorry it took me so long to finally realize that" he said, his fingers softly caressing Cas hip. "I need you Cas. In more ways than I am capable of admitting right now. I'm not ever leaving, but you have to promise the same." he stated staring back into red rimmed eyes.

Castiel looked up from where his head was now laying on the hunter’s shoulder. Those green eyes made his heart stop beating every time he looked at them. As an angel you were made to love God, Made to want to follow him. You were never taught how it felt to fall in love. That love has both good and bad parts to it. That the good parts don’t always soften the bad, but the bad parts don't take way the joy and happiness that the good brings. At first Dean was just a part of Cas' job that he was assigned to complete. But Dean soon became so much more than that. He became Castiel’s best friend, his companion, his Lover.  Castiel doesn’t know what the future holds, but he is certain that no Angel, demon, or human is going to tear them apart.  Castiel grabs Dean’s hand and brings in to his lips.

 “I love you Dean, my place has and always will be with you." He kisses his hand then leans up and kisses Dean’s lips with so much fire that the world stopped. There was no one else on earth, in heaven, or hell. It was just the two of them...If only for a moment.


End file.
